Directions

Tonight Bede followed the directions in a kids’ activity book! My mom called me a few minutes ago to tell me about it. We ate dinner at my folks’ house as we usually do on Sundays and Bede was writing one of those books for quite a while. She was flipping through it and looking at what he’d written, and came to a page that said “Draw two wheels on each car. How many wheels are there?”

Bede had drawn two wheels on the five cars on the page (which is new, he doesn’t draw as much as he writes) and then wrote “TEN” next to them.

!!!

While he’s had those cognitive skills for some time (Bede has no noticeable cognitive delay) he has never followed directions like that before, ever. Maybe all this poop sensory seeking stuff is due to some new neural pathways a-forming.

I think it’s time for some fun social stories.

vague update

Well, again it’s very late and I don’t have much time to blog.

Today was a good day. Still with the poop problems in the Bede division, but we’re slowly twirling, twirling towards freedom. I think.

In other kid news, Faith is managing to be very helpful and grown-up one minute and thoughtless  and scatterbrained the next. Reckon that’s normal. Poor kid gets to be my learning curve. Abby is still just truckin along. She’s been on a very even keel lately, which is nice. Gilbert is a man of drama! and Trixie is, well, actually she’s in my lap now so I can’t type. But good. And the new person is presumably happy and well in utero.

My left arm is fatigued from one-handed typing. That’s all for tonite.

knit in Danish is strik

I think. And purl is vrang. I think.

L and E came today, you see, and L (who is from Denmark) was trying to turn the heel on a sock, for the second time ever, and her mom had written the instructions in Danish. I was little help, beyond vague statements like “well, you know, you go past the halfway point, then back, then you keep doing that until you kind of, you know, run out.” So I wasn’t that helpful, but hey, I made her laugh really hard as I pronounced the Danish as Okie English. Snort.

Faith, Abby and E played upstairs together for hours without a discouraging word. E was so sweet to Gil too, and he really liked her. L and I were treated to a puppet show ostensibly put on by the three girls, but Gil crashed it (I told them it was improv. He was VERY funny.) Bede was his unusual self and had a good time drifting about on the fringes. ‘Drifting’ implies a certain lassitude which he didn’t have. Hmm. Anyway, he had fun too. And Trixie was completely unphased by our visitors, which was a welcome change from the Velcro baby she can be.

So, all in all, a very good day.

emotional day

I had such a day today. I cleaned up poop several times (see below) and was so sad. I’m happy to report that at no time did I feel resentful of Bede. I know he can’t do any differently than he’s doing right now, or he would be. I’ve had to work to get to that point of no resentment, and I’m not always there, but it’s a much better place to be.

I looked at my first RDI assignment and I just don’t know when I’ll be able to get to it. It’s a fifty minute Adobe presentation/slideshow thingy and I have to watch it on the computer I share with Bede. I wish I could either just read it like a regular web page or watch it on my TV. It’s very difficult to watch video on our computer because it really upsets him. I think I’ll just order the book Autism Aspergers: Solving the Relationship Puzzle which should do it. Gonna have to wait a bit cause I’s broke.

Then I was okay. After cleaning the poops I mean. He’s been so sweet today, even more affectionate than usual, which helps a lot!

Tomorrow our friends L and E are coming to see us. We’re excited about that! E is Faith’s age and just all around a great kid. She’s an only child so I know our vast noisy crowd must be a walk on the wild side. We’ve been looking forward to it for ages because we had to reschedule due to doctor appointments, then Halloween… now finally!

Huh. I think Bede, in his ever more complex ways to get me off our computer so he can steal it back, has emptied his clothes drawer and is now throwing the clothes down the stairs. (Seriously he has a whole schedule of diversions to get me to get up. It’s pretty funny – and pretty interactive. Goofy kid!)

The straight poop

I’m really, really tired of cleaning it up.

No, really. You don’t even know. Be glad you don’t know.

We’ve been ‘working with’ Bede for over a year with zero success. Well, sometimes he’ll attempt to clean up a mess he’s made, which, while a positive step, is also even a bigger mess. Trust me.

I’m at a loss. It’s a communication issue, I think, which means it’s going to resolve eventually as he gets more and more among the English-speaking. It’s not sensory because he knows mostly when he needs to go. I think.

But for now…

Sigh.

Big with child

No, no pictures of me. Just trust me, I’m huge. And I have to make it to mid-January. Oof I say!

I have nightly heartburn (I always do) and the typical body stresses, but this time my pubic symphysis has completely separated. Yes, it’s just as painful as it sounds to have a 1cm gap in a part of your body you tend to think of as one solid bone. Here’s a great page about it: Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction. I’ve had it with every pregnancy and it’s gotten worse each time, finally making it into the ‘excruciating’ category. Sigh.

Other than that I have no complaints and am happy to report a completely uneventful pregnancy. Most of the Old Babies are very excited about the New Baby, each in their own way. Trixie seems clueless, but Bede sometimes says “Baby” when he hugs my tummy. It was real to him once the baby kicked him in the ear!

Let’s see, what else. I’m reading a book about hypnotic birth, which I’ll be using this time. Never done that before. For baby preparations we’ll need a new car (bit of a sticky wicket there) because we’ve outgrown the 7 seater. You know you have a big family when you think of the Plymouth Voyager as “small.” I’ve knit the new person several soakers and a blanket, which I will photograph soon. Tres cute.

Reckon that’s it for now.

Bede and writing

Candace noticed, in my Flickr set Bede writes:

i also thought it was interesting that when bede was copying those words, he did some of them in all caps and the words were written in lower case…!

He started writing this summer. My mom got him those books on a lark, and he loved them! He’s been typing forever, years, but that was almost the first real writing. Faith taught him to write with his finger in a steamy bathroom mirror, and a few days after that he wrote in the books. He started out almost all caps and now uses mostly caps, but sometimes Writes Like This.

He likes to write on things to label them, too. (I have cleaned lots of crayon this summer!) He uses sidewalk chalk, an old favorite, to write on everything in the backyard. Some are what you’d expect, like DOOR and SIDEWALK, but some are more indirect, like first writing HOUSE on the wall, then writing WELCOME TO MY HOME. Or writing FARM on the fence right above our pitiful flower garden.

So, let’s hear it for hyperlexia! His language is still much more visual than spoken and that’s fine with me. Any communication is good communication IMO.

ETA: I just realized that was noteworthy to you because he wasn’t copying the words exactly, but copying them nonetheless – i.e., he copied the words but in uppercase instead of lowercase. Yes? I didn’t think much of that because he’s known letters for so, so long it didn’t occur to me. The writing in the books was all his idea. I didn’t say “Now write ‘blue'” or anything.

RDI, here we come

So I’m sure most of my readers know that my son Bede is autistic. He’s pretty impossible to sum up so I won’t try. We have been doing Floortime with him for about a year now, sometimes a lot, sometimes a little, and we’ve seen HUGE gains over that time. Some of the gains are due to the focused nature of Floortime and DIR interaction and some of them are due to the natural development of a little boy. Autistic children are no more frozen in developmental time than any other child and even if we’d done nothing Bede would be a different boy than he was a year ago. But that said, Floortime is fantastic stuff.

So now we have come to the time where we are ready to add the semi-structured component of Floortime. Up to now my work with Bede has been almost entirely child-led as I sought to find a bridge to his worldview, his way of seeing things, his joy. Thanks to Floortime I found it! He’s attached and connected to me and it is wonderful to be there. Before Floortime I felt like furniture sometimes. Now I still feel like furniture when he climbs on me, but it’s a good kind of furniture.

Floortime and the DIR model mesh with RDI beautifully, at least from my outsider perspective. Floortime has thus far been almost free, money-wise. My only cost was about $50 in books: The Child with Special Needs and Engaging Autism, both by Stanley Greenspan. I’m the ‘therapist’ in the DIR model and the thing it takes is TIME. Lots of time. So does RDI – about the same amount of time as far as I can tell (Something like 2-4 hours a day, when you can swing it.) The difference between RDI and Floortime seems to be mostly that RDI has a cookbook approach to activities with your child and Floortime has a much less delineated feel. Sort of like the difference between climbing a mountain and climbing a staircase, I think.

RDI costs money though. Lots less than the most common autism intervention, Applied Behavioral Analysis (we do not think this approach will work with our family so we are not considering it at this time) which can run over fifty thousand dollars a year for an intensive program. RDI should cost us something like three to five thousand dollars. We (read: I) will be doing ALL the actual therapy, and our money will go to our consultant for an indepth assessment and individualized program for Bede, ‘troubleshooting’ when we run into walls or snags, and ongoing video review. I say I will be doing it all because I am the primary Coach, in RDI lingo. Sean will be secondary and he gets to watch all the training materials etc. but won’t be doing too much of the actual activities with Bede for a while. He gets to just ‘be’ with him, which he’s great at.

I’m daunted by the whole process, honestly. I know I can do it, I know WE as a family can do it, but whew. Whew. It’s a lot of money for us (we will only be able to do it with a consultant if Bede qualifies for SSI, otherwise we will be unable to pay) and paying money makes it more real, somehow. Futzing around on my own is one thing, committing to this is another. Daunting. But we’re up to it! WE CAN DO IT!

OK, I’ll wax philosophical more later, and talk about our consultant-to-be. Bede needs me!

nightly ritual

Every night, sometime between 3 and 5 AM, my son comes galumphing into my bedroom and then my bed like an outsize puppy.

Startled from sleep still I move quickly, lifting him to the other side of the mattress before he can awaken his brother and sister, my bookends already there. We settle in. He is silent, aside from the occasional soft sleepy warbling he has made since he was a babe. He’s pressed tight to my side, and he’s chilled, so he welcomes the blanket without complaint and kicks. He sighs and is asleep again in less than a minute.

Usually I am too but tonight I creep out of the room to write. Three small children await me upstairs now, three small bodies to twist myself around like a contortionist, three small people dreaming their own big dreams. I’ll join them soon.