autism and language

A close up of the word language from a dictionary

Clementine has a funny way with language. She has said quite a few words, probably 10, then never used them again after a few days. It was one of the ways I knew she was probably autistic, although neither of the other autistic kids did that.

Faith, the oldest to be diagnosed and most likely to pass as neurotypical, spoke early and often. She was ahead of the curve and used language very well. She was unable to function typically in social settings unless the other children were odd-kid-friendly, but we didn’t really notice that until she was about 12. With one exception. She had no idea how to initiate conversation, but could usually carry her end as long as the other kid was outgoing and kind. Once, when she was in a bounce house at about age seven or so, she tried initiating a conversation with another girl by going into an elaborate, scripted play she often played with Abby. The other child looked concerned, and walked (bounced) away. Faith followed, and just kept saying the same thing. That was our first inkling that she was not your average bear, wiring-wise. But language acquisition was normal to advanced.*

Bede, on the other hand, spoke nary a word until he was almost two, and that was to read aloud. We were thrilled he was reading (and he was really reading, we tested him with just about any one, two or three syllable word) but really wished he would actually communicate and use his language functionally. His first functional word was “cracker!” and was followed the next week by “Pop-Tart!” He was three. Words trickled in and speech trickled out over years and years, and now he has something approaching normal use of language. Approaching – probably 80% normal. But the 20% that’s weird is really weird. Also, his prosody and tone is way, way off and it’s obvious in about three or four words that he is autistic.

But back to Clementine. She is two. She has said ball, block, milk, cheese-it, apple, banana, meow, eggs, shoes, cheese. Of those, we have kept apple. The others all left. Some have come back: cheese, ball. The only one she uses to ask for something is cheese. Now, that’s not to say she lacks language, just none of it is used to communicate or share experiences. She knows all the letters – upper and lower case – and all the numerals as well as 10. Are those words? Sure! And we love saying them with her, and she sometimes seems to delight in our doing so. But they don’t do anything in her environment; they don’t make things happen. I think if we keep saying them when she does, and playing with them (sometimes jokingly getting them wrong, speaking in a silly voice, speaking slowly or quickly, etc) she’ll learn a lot about how communication works in an indirect way. At the same time of course we will still be modeling pragmatic, functional speech. As she drags us to the refrigerator, “Oh, you want some milk? Milk? I’ll get you some milk! Here is milk.” As we are leaving the house, “Here are shoes! Shoes on feet! Let’s go!” And so on. She’ll see that the labels work to share ideas.

Then it’s off to the races!

*Faith read this and approved publication.

putting what, where? and literal navel-gazing

deadringers

I don’t want a transvaginal ultrasound. I’ve had one before, and it wasn’t great. A speculum doesn’t bother me that much, I mean, who wants a pap smear, but still. And I’ve even had an IUD before and the insertion of that was no picnic (don’t google ‘tenaculum’ unless you like the stuff of nightmares.) So it’s not the discomfort, it’s the whole procedure.

*warning – frank discussion of sexual assault below*

 

 

 

 

I was coerced into sexual activity, (and some weird sexual activities) quite young. I was barely 13. I sometimes hesitate to call it rape, mostly because there was only implied physical force involved, but the man involved was over twice my age and very aggressively pushy. So it was rape, and continues to affect me even now. Someone holding a device and moving it around my vagina is making me nauseated to contemplate. The last time I had one, seventeen years ago, I was bleeding and we needed to check to see if I was miscarrying again. (I wasn’t! Yay!) I was willing to put up with the personal awfulness of the procedure because it would provide information we couldn’t get otherwise.

But that’s not the case now. I have a chart showing ovulation, and know within 24-48 hours when the baby was conceived. The ultrasound gives a gestational age within 3-5 days. So not only do I have the information already, the ultrasound will provide less accurate information!

Now I have two options. One is easy, one is harder. The first, easy way, is to delay the scheduling of the scan until I know the tech won’t use a vaginal probe, but will instead view the baby from my abdomen, like most pregnancy ultrasounds. That means waiting a week or so to call to set it up. I may do that.

But then I question the need for it at all. I plan to get an anatomy scan midway through, as I’ve said. So I may call the doctor herself, and explain why I’m not getting one now unless she can give me a compelling reason to do so. That’s the harder option, because I don’t like arguing with people.

So I’ll think it over this weekend. I’m leaning toward option 2.

first OB visit in sixteen years

Eucharius_Rößlin_Rosgarten_Childbirth

Today I went to an obstetrician. I haven’t been to an obstetrician since Faith was six weeks old, and she just turned sixteen. So it’s been a while. It wasn’t that much different except she wanted to do a lot more tests. One of the tests is an ultrasound, like, next week. It’s a “dating scan.” The younger the baby is, the less variability there is in the size, so they say it’s to determine the date of conception, and hence the due date. But I was charting, so there’s really not much chance that I’m off by more than 24 hours. Also, it’s to check and see if there is more than one baby. But even if I don’t measure large for dates (me, my uterus, which is measured at every visit as soon as it peeks over the edge of my pelvis) and therefore show twins, I’m planning on a full anatomy scan midway through, to look for anything that might rule out homebirth.

So I don’t see much reason to get an 11 week ultrasound. I haven’t decided yet.

Also, she wanted to give me a full pelvic exam and pap smear. I declined.

BUT! The whole reason I went is because I wanted the fetal DNA test, the one they use MY blood for, no invasive needles for baby. And I got it! The Harmony test. YAY! So in two weeks or less we’ll have a good idea whether the baby has a greater than usual number of chromosomes (and therefore needs a different birth environment, see above) and the baby’s SEX! Super exciting for everyone in that regard.

Although it felt a lot like Gattaca when they took blood to assess the baby before they’re even born. Kinda creepy. And not helped by the future-retro airline terminal feel of the hospital. The doctors are all in one long hall, with little registration kiosks staffed by identically dressed employees. Each little alcove is like a airport gate. Then, the offices of each doctor are behind doors that open with a keycode.

It was kinda weird. Pretty though. Very Brazil.

So, that’s the rambly update. The doctor said she couldn’t see me if I was planning a homebirth. I told her I was neither planning nor not planning a homebirth, but was waiting on the information from the Harmony test to decide. That satisfied her. And it’s true. She seems like a very good doctor, just, I don’t much like the whole mindset. We’ll see what we get in a couple weeks.

Glo sweater take…?

So I knit a while on Gloria’s cardigan, and wasn’t feeling it. It seemed too big. I had modified a pattern for toddlers and done some number crunching that wasn’t working out. So I stopped and frogged the whole thing. I cast on again, bottom-up this time, and still felt like it was too big. The yarn was flashing, as variegated yarns can do, and the effect was not great. It was looking very 90s blotchy abstract sweater, not a look I was going for.

So I gave up, and I’m punishing the yarn in a plastic bag in the closet.

I ordered this instead.

rainbowsampler

Knit Picks Mighty Stitch, an acrylic/superwash wool blend. It’s got more acrylic than I typically like to work with, but I don’t mind Wool-Ease, which is similar. Everyone says it’s soft, and I like the machine washable aspect too. Gloria was thrilled with a rainbow sweater, she literally gasped when she saw the photo, so that’s good.

So, fickle knitter chronicles will continue when this arrives.

I also ordered The Knitter’s Handy Book of Top Down Sweaters so I can stop with my guessing. I have two other Handy Books and they’re so useful.

knittershandytopdown

So, sometime next week I’ll begin, again, Gloria’s sweater!

This time for sure!

math musing

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Some math for Gilbert too. His instruction is motivated by the realization that he can’t do stuff he wants to do because he doesn’t know how to math, as he puts it*. This book is perfect for that, covering all the arithmetic a schoolchild would learn in six to eight years in four to six months of daily lessons – faster if the student wants. Faith and Abby used it with great results.

There isn’t any need to grind math into people for years. It really can be learned quickly, once you have the motivation. #unschooling —

 

*Gilbert is probably at about a second or third grade math level to start, which is where most humans end up without instruction. He can count as high as you like and read large numbers. He can add two digit numbers, probably three digit as well, but his subtraction skills are dodgy. He can multiply and divide about half of the typical 12×12 grid from memory, the rest he can get by repeated addition and subtraction. He has some familiarity with fractions.

The comment thread on this crosspost at Facebook is worth reading.
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unschooling math

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It’s been ages since my teenagers did any formal math. Abby has done some more recently than Faith has, but it’s still probably been a year for her, and more like two for Faith. Abby has done Life of Fred through half of Biology, and I’m really not sure where Faith left off. I think she finished Fractions, and Decimals and Percents. Then they both petered out.

Well, since they have expressed some interest in taking the ACT, I thought they should get a little more math under their belts. We’ve used Teaching Textbooks before, so they are familiar with it. I can’t remember why we stopped and switched to Fred. I think it was because we had a lack of computers, and needed something that was book-only. It certainly wasn’t because anyone disliked it. Teaching Textbooks is great.

Since the first half of this will be review, they’ll whip through it. Also I said they should do the first set of problems longhand, then the next part of each lesson with a calculator. Because too much long division will destroy anyone’s will to live, amirite?

Then on to Algebra! Woo!

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Autism affects our family in such a way that it is hard to know what it would be like without it. With three kids on the autism spectrum in the house, each one with different external manifestations of their underlying autism, it can look very different! But as the graphic says, not less. When we are home, and the autists are in their element, many of their difficulties fade away. They are indeed different, but definitely not less!#thinkdifferent #autismawareness
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10 weeks

I’m ten weeks pregnant this week. That means the baby is done creating themself out of nothing and will spend the rest of the time inside growing and developing. Next week I have an OB appointment (me! an OB!) because I want to take a blood test to see if the baby has any extra chromosomes. I do so much better with advance notice for, well, everything, that I think that’s a good thing to do. My chances of a trisomic kid are not insignificant, about 1 in 50, because I have old lady ovaries.

Will I continue seeing the OB? Who can say. Obviously I will use any information the test gives me to make my decisions as to the place of birth. But here’s one cool thing! The test also can see what sex chromosome the baby has! So I’ll know that much earlier than we would with an ultrasound. Very exciting!

“Maybe it’s a boy, Mama! Wouldn’t that be fun!”

Maybe so. But maybe it’s another little girl!

“That would be fun too!”