I don’t want a transvaginal ultrasound. I’ve had one before, and it wasn’t great. A speculum doesn’t bother me that much, I mean, who wants a pap smear, but still. And I’ve even had an IUD before and the insertion of that was no picnic (don’t google ‘tenaculum’ unless you like the stuff of nightmares.) So it’s not the discomfort, it’s the whole procedure.
*warning – frank discussion of sexual assault below*
I was coerced into sexual activity, (and some weird sexual activities) quite young. I was barely 13. I sometimes hesitate to call it rape, mostly because there was only implied physical force involved, but the man involved was over twice my age and very aggressively pushy. So it was rape, and continues to affect me even now. Someone holding a device and moving it around my vagina is making me nauseated to contemplate. The last time I had one, seventeen years ago, I was bleeding and we needed to check to see if I was miscarrying again. (I wasn’t! Yay!) I was willing to put up with the personal awfulness of the procedure because it would provide information we couldn’t get otherwise.
But that’s not the case now. I have a chart showing ovulation, and know within 24-48 hours when the baby was conceived. The ultrasound gives a gestational age within 3-5 days. So not only do I have the information already, the ultrasound will provide less accurate information!
Now I have two options. One is easy, one is harder. The first, easy way, is to delay the scheduling of the scan until I know the tech won’t use a vaginal probe, but will instead view the baby from my abdomen, like most pregnancy ultrasounds. That means waiting a week or so to call to set it up. I may do that.
But then I question the need for it at all. I plan to get an anatomy scan midway through, as I’ve said. So I may call the doctor herself, and explain why I’m not getting one now unless she can give me a compelling reason to do so. That’s the harder option, because I don’t like arguing with people.
So I’ll think it over this weekend. I’m leaning toward option 2.